Honesty begins here
Good morning. This is a blog about the trials of being as self-help guru and addict who is often depressed, considers suicide and doesn’t always think positively. My catch phrase is ‘I write my life’ and until now I’ve been too up my own backside to be really honest. So folks, honesty is the name of THIS game.
I’m sitting here smoking cigarettes , drinking coffee, getting ready to go to yoga and wondering whether I should light up a spliff. I’ve been off the stuff for a week now and gone through a big depression. Spliff gets me high and helps me focus and also brings huge downs.
And while I’m trying to write positive motivational stuff all I want to do is go to bed and be depressed. Funny thing is that when I woke up this morning, I had an epiphany to write this. I was lying there thinking as I often do about killing myself and how no one cared about me [boo hoo poor me!] and this idea came to me. And then I had to laugh. Cos I felt good. Hey, that’s what it’s all about. The ups and downs.
Hope you enjoy reading this and that it resonates with you… because there’s so much positive thinking and ra ra out there that I suspect many people like me have been sh t scared to admit they’re not feeling good, they do think about topping themselves and sometimes they’re needy. Well that’s me folks. How about you. Do you get depressed? Do you sometimes wonder if you can go on in this topsy turvy fast paced world? If so, join me here and share the ups and downs of your life.
I think this is probably the best form of self-help I can think of…
And now it’s time to take my blackened lungs off to yoga… where no doubt I’ll get envious, resent the teacher for not paying attention to me and try to stretch further and wider and better than that girl who always looks so holy and together.
And I can’t leave this without the thread of positive thinking that comes in for me. When we talk about ourselves in this way, we are focusing on what doesn’t work. And one of the things I’m preaching is ‘your word is your wand’. So as I don’t want to be waving a doo-doo wand and prefer to wave sparkles, I’m going to have to say…. When the shitty self talk comes in, please, ask yourself… what do I want instead. I’m doing that now.
You are going to be subject to ups and downs and don’t for a moment think that people like me who do this work with others, don’t get low. I do, and I know others do.. but I’m not about to pretend I’m happy dappy all the time. Life IS full of ups and downs and if you can at least remember in a down that an up is now on its way… it will help you…
more later…
Self Help Rebel
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